the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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