his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
