I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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