There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
