it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
