I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
