shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
