Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize