so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
