It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
