I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Randomize
