he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i think i just lost a toe
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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