I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
