My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
