garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
tell me about the fingering
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