FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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