I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
