why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
