Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
