You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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