So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
