Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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