Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
