You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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