i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
