Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
