WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
