haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
the raccoons are back...
Randomize