I want to have your abortion
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
