This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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