Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
