Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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