Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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