Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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