I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
