I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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