Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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