Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
