and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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