question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
