im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
