Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
