Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
