I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
