if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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