i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I miss vodka workout Fridays
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
