I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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