ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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