Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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