just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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