I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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