it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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