I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
