I bet he comes in French.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
