he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.