I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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