There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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