before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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