tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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