I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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