he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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