found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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