so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
