UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
