Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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