you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
