OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
