hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
