Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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