Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
