My brain says no but my pants say off.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think i have two assholes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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