this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
