i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
