There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
