So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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